{Curse you Greek Diablo!!}



One word......
BAK. LA. VAHHHH!!!!


There is a mutant gene in our family that cannot stop at one piece.  In fact, put an entire tray in front of us at a funeral dinner, and we will make sure to clean that up for ya!
Hey!!!  In our defense, we didn't know they didn't have more in the back for everyone else. 
It just made sense that every person should be able to have 7-10 pieces.




For a Christmas treat, my Aunt T. fed my cursed addiction.....
the addiction that made me eat six pieces.....
in ONE sitting!!!!!

oh
BAKLAVA
oh
BAKLAVA,
how you are the devil!


My fup is hanging on my lap,
my gut is churning crap,


oh
BAKLAVA
oh
BAKLAVA
you really are an asshole! 

{The top 3 Christmas trends of 2010}

Wearing your antlers under your chin is #3 in the Christmas 2010 trends.

Sending gangsta pictures to your best cuz with a Santa hat covering your eyes is trend #2....

AND....

((((((drum roll))))))

The #1 Christmas fashion trend for 2010 IS.........

A return gangsta picture with a Christmas sock on your head.

YO YO

HO HO

{Trapt and Abused}

Friday night, Paula and I bravely entered, "In The Venue" for our first time.

The occasion?

A rock concert!!!!

duh!

Abused Romance opened with some hard core head banging from a Slash guitarist look-a-like.

The lead singer was a bit dramatic with his facial expressions and hand movements, but I chalk it up to being a new-bee in the biz.

Still good though!

Trapt followed A.R. on stage and put on a great show!!!!

A lot of energy, sweat, seductive moves, and belting out awesome lyrics.

Well, truth be told....

I only really know two songs that they sing,

Echo and Headstrong.

But at these kind of concerts ($14....$18 with fees) and venues, you don't have to know squat about the bands or their songs!  It's all about the energy and connection to the beat and the audience.

Paula and I learned many lessons that night.....

Lesson #1~ The mosh pit is no place for humans without balls!

Testosterone is needed for the jumping, ramming, and body knocking in a small segregated opening.

Lesson #2~  There is an entire outer ring of  "pushers" that keep the ball-knocker-moshers on their feet and contained within the opening.

Lesson #3~  I found that being a "pusher" is exciting, blood pumping, and one of my callings!!!!

Lesson #4~  Keep myself between the mosh crowd and my little friend.

Paula is not seen amongst a crowd of anyone over 5'.

She's jussss a lil thing!

She must be protected!!!!!

More importantly, her boobies must be protected.

She just had her babe....

so you know what I'm saying.....

RIGHT!?!?!

(I hope that didn't embarrass you Paula)

We still managed to make it VERY close to the stage.

Lesson #5~  Just because a band is friendly and flirtatious on stage, DOES NOT mean they are obligated to be nice after the show!!!

I have already learned lesson #5 from previous rock concerts I've attended.

But I was reminded of lesson #5 when we were standing by the band's (Trapt) bus, and they came walking out right in front of us.

They wouldn't make eye contact, and when I said, "good show" to the lead singer, he was like, "yah thanks", and continued walking with his head down.

A total re-play of that douche-bag Mark McGrath (Sugar Ray).

Paula and I both swore that after the "stalker incident" (click here), with D.B Mark McGrath, that we would NOT waste our time on these washed up band losers!!!!

So what did we go and do??????

Posed in a picture with the jerkasses!!!!!

Lesson #6~ You can take the girl out of the group, but you can never take the groupee out of the girl!!!!

We were able to get a few things signed......

Paula's concert tix,

a $5 CD for River

A personalized shirt that my boy is in AWE about!!!!

(Makes me so thrilled to give these mementos to him)

And some "Sharpie" body marks to remember...

And then feel a little weird about the next morning..

hmmmm.....

Lesson #6~ Standing on the corner of 2nd South in downtown SLC, doesn't necessarily give you the reputation of being a "street walker".

It lets you in on a whole nuther world that comes out at 10:00 pm sharp!

Let's just say......

the Village People band would be a crowd fav!!!!!!

HEYYYAHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

This was a night to remember for many reasons.

~Feeling 17 again!

~Learning how to be a "mosh pusher"

~Revisiting the comfort of the energy, obsession, beauty and fun, with a good friend on her first night out of looking amazingly HOT!  And feeling like herself in her own body.

I love ya my Paula girl :)

True soul sistahs!

ROCK ON!!!!!!

Oh!!! one more thing...

Paula and I were talking about how stupid these bands are by not being friendly to us!!!

DON'T THEY KNOW WHO WE ARE??!!?

We are mommy bloggers damn it!!!

We are going to blog about their rudeness, and ruin their reputation around the world!!!!

Because I have a whoppin 11 followers, and Paula's blog is private!

They should all feel very threatened by us!!!

LOL!

{Wish you were.....}




A random bumper sticker on the side of a garbage can at one of my favorite breakfast joints,
has me laughing every time I think about its twisted words.

{Catching up on some Gardn-ing}




Our close friends from another motha came to spend some kick-ass quality time at our house.
We packed in dinner, lots o' drinks, big time convo's, and breakfast....
ALL in the 17 hours they were here!
HELLO!!!!
Ya'll remember the Gardners!!!
~Mike and Amie~
Amie is the striking gorgeously hot redhead
Mike is the fu-man-chu
and if you didn't notice,
Randy is the closed eyes and no forehead


I love this picture of all of us!!!

They also brought their youngest boy, Jaxson.
Jaxson and Riv are good friends that are finding similar interests as the years build.
Interests like:
Music
Guitars
Girls
Yah, you heard me right!
Apparently Riv thinks Jaxson is the pimp of Colorado, and has all the knowledge and experience of being a "ladies man".
Riv confides in Jaxson, and in turn, looks for Jaxson to give the correct ways to pick up on the hotties.
(yes, River used the word "hotties")
((funny thing, is that Jaxson is homeschooled and Amie says he doesn't have the first clue in personal experience of how "the ladies" work.))
WELCOME TO TEENAGE FREAK SHOW!!
Anyhow, they included Jax and the three of them spent 96% of their time in Riv's room writing song lyrics, making up new guitar riffs, and stinking up the entire basement like a foot and ass that I've never smelled before!!
EEEEEEYUK!
And Mike and Amie were held hostage to the rank stank because their bed was only a room away!
Sorry friends :(


In conclusion:
We had a great time with the Gardners.
They sooooo rock for lying to their parents and telling them they were leaving Utah and going home......  
THEN coming to stay a night with us at our house!!!!
NOW....that is true friendship!!!

{What has become of Gingy???}

The 2010 Winter Wonderland Gingerbread house contest was held at the Kearns Olympic Oval.

I love seeing the flags still in place from the 2002 Winter Games.

Seriously!!!! 

 WE HAD THE OLYMPICS HERE!!!!

I remember how awesome it was to attend events and meet people from around the world.

It is almost surreal.

Okay...back to the story at hand.

I had no idea that the home-schoolers association was going to treat us to an hour of free skating and Little Caesars pizza.

Jax and I met a mother and son that seemed to be the most "normal" of all any I've come in contact with at these get togethers.

Jax and his new friend daringly tested out the ice.

They had fun, and came home with a few bumps and bruises.

YES, I got on the ice.

NO, I didn't really want to.

REMEMBER:

I didn't know ahead of time that we were ice skating.

I wasn't mentally prepared....

but more-so, I was not bodily prepared.

Hey!!!  I'm the klutz that has NO athletic ability.

~Two left feet

~No balance

~Not enough leg muscles

~Weak ankles

~Bruise easily

~I am my friend plank...stiff as a board

~Big fat whiner

~Boob about any ache or pain

~Paranoid of breaking anything in my body

~Was not equipped with wrist, knee, shoulder, neck, toe, cranium or nose brace.

But put on my blades of glory in spite of all my fears.

I surprised myself.

I didn't fall once, that's if you don't count me body slamming into the blue bumpers around the track, and I left with nothing broken but my reputation of me having a smidge of coolness ;)

After returning our skates and eating a healthy lunch of greasy meat, cheese on dough and sugar juice,

the awards ceremony for the gingerbread house competition BEGAN!!!!!

Oh!  We were so nervous and excited yet not extremely optimistic.

This is the kind of architecture Jax's lil dream house was up against!!!

The winners were a whole shlew of Polygamist children.

I now know, that if you are inbred, cross eyed, gangly armed, and stink......

you probably have mad gingerbread house making skills!!!!

The Poligs stole the show!!!

Good for them!

They really did an awesome job and deserved the recognition.

You should have seen the joy in their poor jacked-up smiles!

I was happy for them :)

And a little creeped out all at the same time.

Jax and the other lahooooozers were given a bookmark and certificate.

yah.....I know,  

a sarcastic WHOOPEE!

All and all, we had a great time.

More importantly, Jax met a great new friend.

But what does this news of losing mean for Gingy??!?!?!??

Gingy was warned.

He didn't heed the warning, and now he must pay for his mistakes!

Gingy!!! 

 What do the Poligs give you for staging their win????

Come on!!!!!

Tell us Gingy!!!

TELL US!

OH!! 

So you're gonna act like you have no mouth now huh??

Well then!!!!

Off with your HEAD!!!!! 

SNAP! off your legs!!!!

and

Yankity Yank Yank of the gumdrop buttons!!!!

Maybe next time when we tell Gingy to sweeten things up,

he will know that we mean business.

Start stocking up on sugar cane now Gingy!!!!!

You have exactly one year.....

OR ELSE your whole family will be crushed into a Christmas dessert and smothered in whipped topping!

gurrrrrrr!!!!!!!

((is it just me, or does my kids testosterone big nose, bout of acne, and mexi-mustache make him look so much older than 10???

hmmmm...maybe it's just me being freaky))

{Oh Snap! Not the gumdrop buttons!}

Welcome to the land of sugar!!!
This is Jax's dream house....
EVERYTHING sweet and cavity driven.
He built it with his own hands.
Thank goodness this is a showpiece and not an edible dessert!
The amount of licking frosting off of his fingers, and then using said fingers to place more candy decor on the house, makes this dream home very unwelcome to munch on!

(Susie...recognize the plastic tray it's on???

We use these trays all the time!!!

Thanks for leaving them at my house!)

A little "over sprinkled" on the powdered sugar.

Looks like gingerbread town had a horrific snow storm last night!

Tomorrow is the BIG TIME gingerbread house contest for home schoolers.
We meet at noon, and are hoping to place at least in the top 25 :)

AND If we don't win......
there is a little Gingy man that will pay for the loss!!!!


Hey Gingy!!!
Ever heard of Santa, Gingy????
Remember what Santa did to your girlfriend Suzy????
Yah, that's right!
Gingy......either you sweeten this contest so Jax wins,
or we are pulling gumdrop buttons, snapping legs, and calling on Santa to "eat" his cookies and milk!!
YOU GOT IT GINGY??????
Jax must WIN!!!
And not even Mondo or the Muffin Man that lives down Drury Lane can help you out of this one!

{You've been such a good boy, 

you get torture for Christmas}

By now, most of you have received my Christmas card.

Let me explain my thoughts leading up to the card mail out.

I was damn tired of our traditional sit down family photo shoot.

I really wanted to have fun with the "Ugly Christmas Sweater" theme.

I started by shopping at 3-Deseret Industries, and 2-Savers stores.

THERE WAS NOTHING!!!!!

I'm not kidding people!!!

Apparently, the influx of Ugly Sweater parties has up'd the sales at the thrift stores and sold out of any U.C.S. inventory.

I got online where you can find anything you are in need for.

Oh...I found some U.C.S's alright!!!!

FOR $50/EACH!!!

So I ended up making a stop of my friendly neighborhood KMart, and found my U.C.S.,

 (you can always count on Kmart for the old lady sweater!) 

from there I went to Michaels craft store and purchased all the supplies to make Randy and the boys' sweaters.

I was pretty proud of how ugly they turned out.

This excited my anticipation of the U.C.S. family photo!

Not one other person in this family was as excited.

(Ok, maybe Randy was a little.  But he won't admit it!)

I tortured my menz.

They shuddered at the look of themselves in the U.C.S. and was embarrassed that I was going to forever document this in a public Christmas Card.

My guys, just going along with with my crazy plan, letting me torture them and smiling along the way...

Is the best Christmas gift a gal could ask for :)

Here are some of the pics that you didn't see in our U.C.S card.

Enjoy

BTW:  I didn't realize that River was in his boxer shorts and Randy's fly was down until after I had the cards printed up.

As if I hadn't humiliated them enough!?!?!?!

{Fund raiser for West Valley}




Yes, I got another speeding ticket.
This time it was on Bangerter and about 3500 South.
Apparently, I was driving 11 over the speed limit.
The forgiving cop only wrote me up for 5 over,
 which saved me about $95.
I didn't seem very appreciative of his kindness as he was handing me my ticket.  He let me know that it would be $105, and another $50 if I wanted to take traffic school.
I grabbed the ticket out of his hand, misplacing my anger for my own lead-foot and placing it on the COPper.
My fired up eyes, the anger in my breathing, and my lack of, "gee!  thanks dude!" attitude, probably made officer friendly regret his choice in giving lenience to such a bitchy blonde.


Fast forward to a week later.......
I had to pay the ticket in person at the West Valley City building.
After about 3 steps into the door, you are instructed to go through a metal detector and place your valuables on the x-ray belt.
Jax and I cleared the detector, but my zebra print purse did not.


"Mam, do you have pepper spray in your bag?" 
"Yes....it's right there, you can see it in the outer pocket"
"Mam, did you read the sign?"
"I don't know....what sign?"
"The sign that says 'NO GUNS, KNIVES, OR PEPPER-SPRAY'.  It was posted as you walked through the detection."
"No, I didn't see the sign.  I'm sorry.  This whole thing kind of scared the vision out of me."
"Well mam, you will need to leave this (pepper spray) with me until you exit the department."


I handed over my spray and headed toward the 
"PAY BEHIND THIS DOOR" door.
My first stop is to the traffic school appointment scheduler-person.
She informed me that I am not eligible to take the class because it has been less than a year since my last ticket.
YIKERS!!!  REALLY?
Ok...I've got a problem.
Yes, I'm aware that I need to slow the freak down!
I'm working on it!  I promise.
I then go to the line that leads to a cashier.
The lady in front of me is agitated and pissed to be here.
I swear, I was wishing I had my pepper spray.  The lady looked like she didn't need a weapon to kill, was ready to kill,  and I assumed I might be in need of some protection.
Her looks and bare hands had plenty of scary force to do major bodily harm to anyone in her way.
I soon found out exactly why she was going postal....
The cashier told her that her ticket would be $400!!!!
$400!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I so badly wanted to ask her what the hell she did to get such a hefty fine!
And I would have, if I didn't think she would have wrapped my tongue around my neck and hung me by my eyelashes.
She threw her credit card at the cashier and started mumbling obscenities.
I felt bad for her.
It's right before Christmas for God's sake!!!!


My conclusion:
West Valley City is in desperate need of raising funds.
They are on a "ticket titty twister", and when they get you....
OH BOY!!!! Watch out!
The fines are fierce.


Maybe the fund raiser is to help the clerks that are employed at the WVC public building.
I'm sure it takes a lot of money to keep their hair sprayed to the heavens and their Tammy Fay Baker makeup freshly applied hourly.
It is West Valley after all.


Beware of driving in WVC!!!!!!
It is NOT your friend.

{10 years of hell}

Hallelujah

They can move on.

My deepest respect and awe for this family.

True warriors.

{Sometimes you feel like a nut...}

I eat raw almonds like candy.
When I'm needing a chocolate fix, I combine almonds and the little chocolate goldfish in a bowl.  
They taste like a Hershey's almond bar.


I was getting the itch to take my creation to a 
"HOLE NUBAH LEBEL!"
In celebration of the holiday season, I made my own cinnamon roasted almonds.
a little bit of agave nectar
a dash of vanilla
a whole lot of cinnamon
mix in a bowl and add the nuts
fully coat the almonds
lay out on a foil lined/pam sprayed pan
bake in 375 degree oven
keep an eye on them...
they can go from perfection to burned in a short time.


SCRUMPTIOUS!!!!!
And you should smell my house!!!
Great to have on hand for guests or movie nights :)