Thursday, April 29, 2010


{Season five of Senior Idol}


This is Grandma's third year in the competition.
She looked more radiant, composed, and sexy than any other year.
Yes, sexy! 
My (almost) 80 year old grandma still appreciates her womanhood and proved that with a new push-up bra.  She wore purple shadow and thick mascara, that made her ocean blue eyes POP!  The new golden blonde hair is the perfect color for the spiked hairstyle she boasts. (And she still finds it very important to shave and moisturize her skin too!  Never too old to take pride in yourself!)


Many people were in the audience for support.
On the left is Grandma's long time friend who accompanies her on the piano during her performance.
On the right, is Maddie.  She is the angel that helps Grandma with her shopping, cooking, house cleaning, and is also her good friend.


Aunt Tracy and I were nervous with excitement awaiting Grandma's stage appearance.
I chewed my gum ferociously until my jaw wanted to bitch slap me......I was THAT nervous!


Time is getting down to the numbs......
the room is filling fast.
Grandma gets a look at some of the competition......
sizing them up. 
Very intently sizing them up, as you can see.
From just the outer appearance......we were positive that Grandma had this "2010 Idol trophy" in the bag!!!!!


Above: The competition


Grandma was the second singer on stage.
A very bitter, unhappy, rigid stage crew member, held up Grandma's name to the audience.  That was her que to be at the microphone.


She gave her own rendition of "Come Rain or Shine".
I appreciated her controlled theatrics and her entertaining beauty.

See her performance here.


(I am fully aware that the shot from this angle does nothing to help me)

While the judges were conferring their notes in the back room, the audience was given sheets with multiple  sing-a-long songs.
Ya know, like:
Take me out to the ball game
You are my sunshine
and a few more crowd favs.
Tracy was such a wonderful singer in her Cher impersonation, that I couldn't contain my joy with tears and laughter.


The top three were announced.
3rd went to a lady with bad teeth and NO personality, but pretty voice
2nd went to Regina.  YAY!!!  Grandma's close friend. (on the left.....red hair lookin good Regina!) (The announcer called ragIna to the stage)



And the winner is...............................



Eugene.
An amazing man that made us laugh with an Elvis song revised into a song about prunes, lack of hearing, prostrate problems, snoring.....old people stuff.
Probably was not the most talented in the voice department, but talented in the entertainment and funny department.

It was the story that we learned after the show that made his winning appropriate.
Eugene's wife died two years ago.
This day was her birthday.
He calls her his "queen".
She was his pin-up girl all through WWII.
A true love story.
He has three children, and they have been trying to get him to leave his house since their mother's death.
Eugene had become a hermit.

His performance was for his queen.
His children didn't even know that he had this planned, and he told us that "they are going to be very mad at me for not including them".

Eugene was a winner this day for many things.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

To my Grandma~
I am proud of you and the energy, pride, work, and emotion you put into your performances every year.
You've still got it going on lady!!!
You will always be a winner in my book.
Can't wait to see what you bring to the stage next year!


Love you ;)


Wednesday, April 28, 2010

{Medical attention}



Starting to get concerned about the recent growth on his chin.



{Hey! Your weather here sucks!}



If anyone came to visit Utah in the past 24 hours, they would consider us the most backward, effed-up, sucky state ever!!
Well, the suckiest for weather anyway.....
And maybe the alcohol laws.....
And the obvious judgements that the old lady cashiers give to you at the Scout Store....
And the unsycronized stop lights...
And......
Yah, that's about it.

Last night, Jax's fear of tornado's was starting to seep into my scaredee cat pores.  I was pretty sure the top half of our house, (the half where we were all laying in our beds trying to sleep), was going to be ripped off and thrown into the Blockbuster a quarter mile away!  It must have been a dream, but I swear I looked over and I was sleeping with the tin man, and the cowardly lion was laying on the floor next to some ruby slippers.
hmmmmm.....

Looking out the window this morning, I see rain mixed with snow, and my little sunshine thermometer was pissn and moanin about the numbers it was instructed to read.
30 degrees!
30 degrees and snow at the end of April!
Unbelievable.

Hey Utah!
It was just 80 degrees two days ago you freak!
I have a sunburn to prove it!

Global Warming my cold ass!!!

Actually, I think Mother Nature is pissed off about all of the Aqua Net and White Rain hair spray I/we used back in the 80's......
she's doing a climate change whoop-ass.

I guess I/we have asked for it.



Tuesday, April 27, 2010

{Sweet land of Liberty}


 

~Liberty Park~

Join in the drum circle or let your body move to the rhythm.

 
Where families gather.
The mommas are hippies.....and their babes are too.

Where you see the display of the BEST Park rules ever!!!
~Play hard
~Play fair
~Lend a hand




Where you can make music with your fists.


Where you realize that you have grown 6 inches and can't fit in the little kid tubes anymore.


Where monkey-ing around is encouraged. 


And hangin' with your Aunt Tracy on a beautiful sunny day in Liberty Park.........


Is hippie, happy, rockin', fun, laughter, sun, climb, run, snowcone,
Priceless!

{Borned good lookin'}


Hi.
My name is R.D.
R stands for Randall
D stands for my last name.
My maw and paw were too tired by the time I was borned to thinks me up another name to put in the middle.

I am 10 years old, and already almost 6 foot tall.
Yep, my legs can be seen poking 3 inches from the bottom of my green toughskins.

He he.....I know what you all are thinking........

And NO, I don't always dress this nice.
Today just happens to be one of those special kinds of days.
It's PICTURE DAY!!!
I take picture day very seriously.

To prepare for this special day, I grabbed the shirt that didn't have very many wrinkles, off of the pile on my bedroom floor.  I put it on and pushed my hands all over to make it look ironed flat.  That was real smart of me. Then, I made sure to button my collar as tight as it will go.
Tippity top button of course!
I never did wash my hair for lots of days.  So I went over to the sink, dipped my head in water, grabbed my dad's barber comb, and combed ALL my hairs forward and down.  This really helps if you have bed head or cowlicks.
Next, I realized that you wouldn't be able to see my eyes in my 4th grade special picture, beein's that my bangs were hangin' down low.
I found some of those kitchin scissors, and just started cutting way above my eyebrows to be sure my hair wasn't gonna give me any more problems.
There!!  A nice striaght line!
Now ya'll can see my eyes.
hmmmm, maybe that could be my perfession.
No...no...no.
I've gotta stick with mekanikin' or truck drivin'.

So, I'm feelin' pretty good about what I see in the mirror.
I ran out the door so I wasn't late fer my pictures to be taken.
The only thing I would have done differently, is probably brushed my teeth,
but that aint no big deal cuz I'll just tell the photogreeefer to zoom back a little.....no one will ever notice :)

I can't wait to look back on these pictures when I'm in my mid-40's and say, "Wow! I was one great lookin' kid!"



Say Cheese!!!!

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Randy has approved this post...............
Well, I'm pretty sure he will.
Love ya Rand :)
*Oh don't worry......There are some of freckle face, split tooth Jolie pictures coming soon.
They can top this R.D. pic for sure!!!!

Monday, April 26, 2010


{Smile and say "Bite me"}

To all of you who have teased me for being a penny pinching miser for not buying a new camera.......
(yes, I'm talking about you Paula and Chelise)
Well today I did it!!
I got myself a new little Cannon.
So stick that in your pipe and smoke it!

Oh, I just love her...can't wait to start snappin away!!!!





{On my honor.....timeless values}


Yes indeedie!
Riv...the Riv-man....the Riv-ster....
the Riv-runsthruit,
 is a Boy Scout!

I love the Scout program in what they stand for, and the teachings that it gives to young men to grow and become real men.  I'm very excited for Riv!  I can't help but think of how proud my Aunt Janin would be.



This year,  The Boy Scouts of America celebrates 100 years of living the scout law.
There are four merit badges that have been mothballed for decades, and are now available to earn for this year ONLY!!!!
Friday night, Randy and Riv went to their first campout, to earn his first badge.
Okay....not sure you can really call this a campout.  It's really just more of an "out".
Is pitching a tent in a local park considered camping.  Awe, who am I to judge a century of tradition??



I bought Riv his first tent.
He had it up and ready on his own.
(Hmmmmm......I've already wayyyy over used the words first and year in one single post.  Sorry bout that.
Let's just keep on keepin on...shall we)


Needless to say,  NOBODY slept a wink.
It was "nard freezing" cold, as Riv described.
Randy and Riv ended up snuggling in the same sleeping bag for combined body heat.
They crawled, crackled, and creaked out of the tent to see frost on everything.
(picture is of the truck's frosted windshield)
This will be a hardship story that Randy plans on repeating for years to come......
be ready to hear how hard it was....
over and over and OVER........


After a night of no sleep and "nard freezing" temps, what is the first thing you would want???

EXACTLY!!!!!!!
 A boiled omelet in a Ziploc bag!!!!

Really??!?!?
It's not like these kids are miles from civilization and have to fight for their lives in the wilderness.
What happened to bacon and eggs over the fire?
Sheesh!

Yah......I couldn't be a Boy Scout for many reasons. 
Here, let me list a few:
1~I'm not a boy
2~I don't like their food choices
3~I hate tents
4~I have minimal values


Riv was proud to stand with the hundreds of other tween boys in the education and earning of his "pathfinder" badge.  A boy will always remember his first badge of honor and the year it was earned :)

Side note:  Boy Scouts is NOT cheap.
Shirt
Book
Hat
3 patches
$67

I  will also have added expenses because I will be dropping off the shirt and patches to a lady that sews them on professionally.  I cannot let my child walk around looking like he has a mother with one arm, eye cataracts, and is a bit "not right" in the shnoggin'.
(yah, yah, the third statement is debatably true....whatever)

Fine!!! 
If you MUST know........



I cannot SEW!!!!
There!  I said it!
I am "thread and needle" handicapped!

Paula knows.....
she's had to painstakingly fix some of my attempts.
Paula!  Quit laughing.


P.S. Randy said that this is his chance to be a kid again and experience things through/with River :) 
I got a text from Randy while they were there.
It said, "Having a BLAST!"


THAT makes me smile
:)   :)   :)   :)   :)   :)






Saturday, April 24, 2010

{concerts are like pepto....
makes everything feel better}



Thursday night, Paula and I went to our loooong awaited concert.
Daughtry, with opening acts Cavo and Lifehouse.
Of all days, I was having stomach issues.
I don't know why I say "of all days".  I have stomach issues every of all days!  But this one was that of a different kind.
The kind that feels like an acid ball, a poop stick, and a 30 pound bag o'lard is stuck in the middle of your rib cage. 
 The only cure.......beer and rock music!!!!
(or maybe an internal plunger with pepcid shooting out of it)



First order of bizness, was beer.  STAT!
Next, was to beat the crowds of embellished levi's and GI-normous hair to the pisser.
I wish I would have done my process the other way around.
I don't like taking my food/drinks into the bathroom with me.
I think I was told alcoholic beverages kill any kind of bacteria.
I'm going with that theory....just to make myself feel better.

As I'm doing the shaking leg squat in platform clogs, with my purse dangling from my neck, I look up to see this bum-per sticker on the door.  BUM....get it??? hardy har har!
A bathroom stall is a very interesting place for this public service announcement to be.
I wonder how this is working for them.
Are people immediately stopping their smoking habit because they've been hit with knowledge of  "BALDNESS" while they are having a private moment???
hmmmmmm.......



First band was Cavo.
I recognized 3 of their songs from the radio.
They are much more popular than I realized, yet are very green when it comes to performing in front of large "sold out" crowds.

A 7 foot tall dude was on the electric geeeetar.
Remember when i announced that tall men should not be in bands!!!!
He didn't get my memo.
He was out of step and tried real hard to look sexy with legs flailing across the stage.

Singer sounded great....moves were uh, just ok....again, trying to look sexy. Didn't pull it off.

Bass geeetar player:  Mexican smurf with 9 too many bandannas attached to his head, pants, wrists and shoe.   A good 58 pounds of chain dangling from one belt loop to another.  And no moves.  When he did jump, I was so scared he was going to topple over from all the weight of his accessories.
Luckily it would have looked similar to a new toddler......their bums aren't too far from the ground, so pain isn't the issue.

But really, the band sounded awesome and I love their songs!!!
Entertaining in their own little way :)


Lifehouse.......
OOOOOOO  LA LA!!!!
My favorite performances of the evening!!!
Looks and moves were "hell ya!" sexy!
Sounds as smooth as melted chocolate in my mouth....mmmm
Lead singer got off the stage, ran through the floor crowd and up into the seats.  He didn't even wait for his security to follow.  He was touching the crowd and singing to them as he ran by.
Every song was AMAZING!
This is how a real band interacts with their fans.
LOVE YOU LONG TIME LIFEHOUSE!!!
(they should have been the headliner)


A big curtain was the first thing you see when Daughtry started jamming.
Then the lights overhead reveal the musicians.
Dramatically, the curtain drops.
Great start.


Do you see that platform behind the drummer?  I assume it was built for someone to run around on.
It never got used.

Maybe it's because I just didn't know enough of Chris Daughtry's words to his songs, or maybe it was because ALL of his songs sounded the same, or if it was because he is BORING, that I didn't get all hot and bothered by his concert.  He had a good laser light show that would sporadically pop up.  He sang one cover, the Phil Collins "In the air tonight".  Now THAT was good. 

 Maybe he will always be an 'American Idol that sings good covers' to me.
Daughtry is NOTry in my humble rock review.

(Em....you didn't miss out)


This adorable couple was in front of us.
Truth is....they were my entertainment during Daughtry.
They are both around 16-ish, and you could tell came as friends.
They both new EVERY word, stood through EVERY song, and jumped, threw horns, laughed, and screamed.  As the night went on, the boy got a little more courage to express his feelings of being "more than friends".  He would give a quick embrace, stare at her, lean in just to smell skin, copied her movements to let her know he was 'intune' with her.
She was starting to welcome the little touches.
I actually came to tears a couple times watching this young courtship.
Thinking, "I sure hope she doesn't break his heart".
I imagined my son's being in his place someday.


Another great time with one of my besties......
Love ya Paula!  My green eyed gal :)

Friday, April 23, 2010

{Lock the doors!!!
A gay person might walk in!}



Background to the "Jax story":
It was an early summer's morning and I was 13. 
 I was left home alone with an unlocked screen door being the only thing between me in my night shirt and the outside world.
A man had escaped from a nearby "crazy facility" and decided that my home would be a place that he wanted to kick back for a while.
Yes, I woke up to a weird, bloody, stinky, crazed stranger standing over me.
I could bore you with the continuation of the details, but the point to this "Jax" story, is that my kids understand, by my experience, to always keep the doors locked.

~~~~~~~~

Tonight, I asked Jax if the garage was shut.
He said, "Oh yah!  It sure is mom!  Wouldn't want a HOMO to walk into our house".
"A HOMO?  What are you talking about?" I asked.
He replied, "Ya know mom, like that homeless guy that walked into your house when you were a teenager. Uck! I get the chills just thinking about that!"
I laughed and said, "Do you mean a HOBO???
 You know, a HOMO means gay."
With a bewildered look he said, "OK, now I'm confused......The homeless guy that came into your house was gay?"




{Was he poisoned??}


Poor Bret Michaels :(
First the emergency appendectomy
 (dec not dick...although one of his STD's probably has already accomplished that....
He IS the ROCK OF LOVE ya know)
And now the brain hemorrhage.
I heard it was from listening to too many "Poison" songs.

Okay.....bad joke.  WAY bad joke.
I actually like Bret.
He is one of the few to come out of the 80's Hair Band era with notoriety and a current career.
And if it weren't for those God awful extensions, and the tattooed eyeliner, and the botox, and the injected lips and the STD's........I would think that he is a real cool kat!
BTW.....are they going to have to shave his hair extensions???? 
He might be rockin a Kojak pretty soon!!!


In life, every rose has it's thorn.
There are the tough roads...then there are the "nothing but a good time" moments.
I wish Bret a safe and fast recovery....What would the world be like if he wasn't around to talk dirty to me?

Love you Bret :)
No matter what happens
i won't forget you




{it's a mini}


Have you ever had a "crapjax"?
"What is a crapjax?" you ask.

A couple of years ago, after a  med-check appointment for Jax, I treated  him to a "mini" milk shake from Iceburg.
The first time they handed us the shake, I said, "Holy Crap Jax!!!  That's a mini???  Those suckers are HUGE!"
Jax laughed and laughed by my comment.
Still giggling, he said, "crapjax!..........crapjax! that makes me laugh so hard mom!  We are calling these shakes crapjax!"
So the ritual is:
Go to the doctor.  Get drugs.
As we leave doctor, Jax gets all excited for what is coming next.
Running to the car he screams,
"it's crapjax time!!!  Hurry mom!"

Love traditions!


Wednesday, April 21, 2010


{Tastes like......chicken,
or it could be pickles}


On Monday, I remembered that Jax had a Science Fair project that was due TODAY!!!
I had received the note two weeks ago, but with all the psychotic break downs, I put the Science Fair on the
"I don't give a royal shit" list.
Going back and reading the information from the teacher, I realized this was worth 80% of his grade.
Yes, I wanted to slam my head on 8 cement blocks.
Stupid science!
Stupid school!
Stupid 3rd stupid grade!
Stupid, ME!
All of these thoughts running through my tired brain.
Shit........I don't want to do this.

I looked at the paper with the guidelines again.
This time I see a box that has categories of experiments to choose from.
"Okay!!!!!  We can do this!  I don't have to pull something out of my ass!  We just have to pick one from this box and google until the sun comes up!"
A glimmer of positive headway coming at me.



Jax chose to do his experiment on the Five Senses, focusing on the sense of taste.
The objective was to figure out if you can taste food better with or without your nose plugged.


His two taste tester assistants:
Dad
&
River
(suckahhhhhhhhhs)


Jax found five extremely different items from the fridge that the assistants would be tasting out of pure trust.
Soy Sauce
Cholula
Mustard
Lime Juice
and Cherry Jam


As you can see, the testers were anxiously waiting for the experiment to begin.



Jax dipped each food with a Q-tip and ran it across the testers tongues.
First with their nose plugged, then unplugged.
Randy thought the lime juice was an orange.
River thought the jam was garlic sauce?!?!?
It turned out to be a lot of fun.
I documented all of the information, and from there a two page report, pictures, graphs, conclusions, yada yada yada science yada yada was in it's works.



No memory cards or looking at their board was allowed.
I was concerned that Jax would freeze, forget everything, and not have a decent follow thru on his presentation.
Misplaced worry-momma!  That's me!
Jax did great!
Of course he had everyone laughing and did some improv for the parents.
He called one of the high school kids from the audience as the guinea pig for the experiment.
Jax goes ShaNayNay on the kid.  With his head moving unattached to his neck, and his finger swagging, Jax says, "DUDE!  You have no idea what you're in for!  I don't even want to hear 'OH NO YOU DI-UNT' when we are done.  You volunteered, now be a MAN and take it like a MAN!!!!"
Everyone was laughing even while Jax put the first Q-tip of strawberry jam in the boys' mouth.

All of the students in Jax's class did an amazing job! They were very detailed and a lot of effort was put into their project.
 I've seen these kids grow for 4 years now, and I am so proud of how smart, beautiful, unique, funny, and innocent they all are.

3rd Grade Science Fair was just what I needed to bring me back to where I should be......as a mother......as a kind, loving human being.
Children have that special healing magic over your heart.

I don't want to ram my head at bricks anymore :)




{Hey! Is that Sasquatch?}


"Precious" star Mo'Nique confessed to Barbara Walters that she doesn't shave her legs. She did it once in her life and vowed never to do it again.

WHAT THE FREAK????!??!??!
You've got to be kidding me!
And on the red carpet too??!??!
She's a nasty!
Ewwwwwwe!
Why?
Do men like this on a woman?
For God-sakes! Even men shave their legs now!
Can you still feel feminine with ankle pubes??
Oprah!  Do something!  Aren't you her friend?
Friends don't let friends abuse the, "I was too tired to shave" privilege!
Get the lady some hard core laser treatment or something!!!


Comments on this story in a trash talk article, showed that there are a lot of women that will go months and sometimes years without shaving.  Is that more common than I thought?

How long have you gone without shaving?

{Things that ROCK my world}




I am a true-blue Bath and Body Works consumer!
Love the store....Love the spritzers...Love the Wallflowers plug-ins....Love the lotions and cremes.
lOve, LoVE, lOve everything about it!
But seriously..... and I mean SERIOUSLY!!!!!!
"Oil of Olay in-shower Body Lotion" has replaced my Bath and Body after shower lotion! 
"What????!?!??", you say in gasping disbelief.
Yes, 'tis true. And I will tell you why.
This 'skin lover in a bottle' is sooooo convenient and time saving, but the best part for me is, that I have noticed a difference in the moisture of my skin.  It is nourished, smooth, shiny and not sticky......all day long!
AND...it smells nice and clean :)  doesn't conflict with my perfume.
A little goes a long way, so it's totally worth the money.
Around $5.99.
It's hard to find sometimes.  I can usually get it at Walmart.
Try it....you will have soft, supple, happy skin for summer.
(Thanks Aunt T. for turning me on to it)
"Oil of Olay in-shower Body Lotion" Rocks my world!