{Hey! don't talk back}

Yesterday, while looking at things held by a magnate on the fridge front, Jax asked me when we would be visiting our family in Arizona again.
I told him that we would be going in just a few weeks.
He said, "Oh thank God!!!  I talk to this picture of Shelby every day. At first it was nice that she couldn't talk back, but now it's starting to get pretty boring having a one way conversation.  I'm thinking it's time we have a 'real Shelby' talk. I miss her."

(looking back, I have seen him mumbling to her picture.....weird! kids are weird!)

{whew.....this one got me}

I just got done watching an hour episode of this series on abc.
As the title says, it is about birth parents/siblings/children, looking for help to find one another.

My eyes are swollen and wet, my head pounding from emotional express........
I am sad that I watched this.

It is a selfish sadness.
It is a reality that I will more than likely have to be involved in the future.

I can be outside of myself, and have true happiness for the featured families, and their blending success.
Being real with my inside self is a different story.

I am not ready now, or can even foresee in the future, me wholeheartedly accepting my children's quest in finding their biological families.
I can smile and say some kind of bullshit people want to hear from me.
Things like, "no! I'm not insecure about how my children feel about being adopted"
"my kids have so much love in THIS family, that there will be no reason for them to search, or even wonder about their family tree"

I would be up in the darkest night if I truly believed these statements.
I am a realist and a scared mum when it comes to the future of this subject.

My hope is that I will be content and accepting to my boys' choices.
I just know that right now, this very minute......I don't like the thoughts of it.

(P.S...Paula, don't feel bad at all for calling me about this show....really! Because I know you will. Don't!)

{Resist the urge.....it's a tough one}

Chapter 49
Resist the Urge to Criticize

When we judge or criticize another person, it says nothing about that person; it merely says something about our own need to be critical.
If you attend a gathering and listen to all the criticism that is typically levied against others, and then go home and consider how much good all the criticism actually does to make our world a better place, you'll probably come up the the same answer that I do: Zero!  It does no good.  But that's not all.  Being critical not only solves nothing; it contributes to the anger and distrust in our world.  After all, none of us likes to be criticized.  Our reaction to criticism is usually to become defensive and/or withdrawn.  A person who feels attacked its likely to do one of two things: he will either retreat in fear or shame, or he will attack or lash out in anger.  How many times have you criticized someone and had them respond by saying, "Thank you so much for pointing out my flaws.  I really appreciate it"?
Criticism, like swearing, is actually nothing more than a bad habit.  It's something we get used to doing; we're familiar with how it feels.  It keeps us busy and gives us something to talk about. (side note from Jolie: you know I don't agree with that sh*t!  Swearing is healing....moving on now)
If, however, you take a moment to observe how you actually feel immediately after you criticize someone, you'll notice that you will feel a little deflated and ashamed, almost like you're the one who has been attacked.  The reason this is true is that when we criticize, it is a statement to the world and to ourselves, "I have a need to be critical."  This isn't something we are usually proud to admit.
The solution is to catch yourself in the act of being critical.  Notice how often you do it and how bad it makes you feel.  What I like to do is turn it into a game.  I still catch myself being critical, but as my need to criticize arises, I try to remember to say to myself, "There I go again."  Hopefully, more often than not, I can turn my criticism into tolerance and respect.

{Lisa}

Happy Birthday Friend!

{B.F.F.}

{{{Black Friday Frenzy!!!!!!}}}

This is the very first year I have had the balls to venture out the day after my turkey induced coma.

Aunt T and I started at 6 am.......only because my alarm didn't go off at the set time of 4:15 am.

Maybe it was a subconscious mistake.....didn't matter, we were still able to be in the middle of marathon shoppers, long lines, and stores that looked like 3 year olds were left alone to seek and destroy!

Luckily, we had our elbow pads, helmets, and mace to keep us alive.

Pa-thet-ic!!!!!!  FUN!!!!!!

(I had to 'incognito' the box......don't want to spoil any surprises!)

I happened to run into Lisa's friends, Erica and Noelle in Target....they were cool enough to let us in line with them.

Fun conversations made the line not seem so bad.

BUT....

The parking lots and streets, are full of moody, road-raged, angry hearted, bad haired, menopausal women!

Damn! don't want to piss them off!

You'll get this coming at ya:

A head bobble, with palms in the air, eyeballs exploding with fire, and have to lip read her saying to you, "wha, wha, what, where...where you going?" All while she ILLEGALLY cuts through the stalls in the parking lot, and I'm LEGALLY stopped at a stop sign!

  Testy...testy!

(Based on a true story)
 

I got some cool bargains from the 1-2-3-4-5 stores we went to.
The present that I am the most excited to give, is one that I swore I would never buy.
The picture above explains the purchase below...........

Shhhhhhh....keep the secret for X-mas morn.

Miss Kitty had this at the top of her wish list.

She's been a good pup. She deserves her snuggie.

I can't wait to see her face on Christmas Day!

{My thank-FULL overflows}

To all my loves........
Yes, that's you, and you, and you.....oh, and you over there in the corner......

Thanks :)

You bring beat to my heart.
Happy Thanksgiving

{Where's the beef????}

Yesterday was the Thanksgiving feast at Jax's school.

The kids look forward to the lunch every year.

We have a generous turnout of parental help and food donations.

I am appreciative of that.

This is my 6th year bringing mashed potatoes.

I am designated by the first letter of our last name.

I am ready to change my last name to Smith, so that I only have to bring a stick of butter!!

It cracks me up that Jax continues to enjoy wearing his "turkey hat" throughout the entire event.

It's moments like this, that reminds me, he's still my little boy.

{It's all small stuff}

I bought this book and am in love with the bite-sized chapters and the information that I have read.
These snippets confirm my direction of a kinder, more gentle and patient person I strive to be.
I am going to start posting chapters and I hope that you will be able to apply these wise words to your life as well.


Chapter 1
Don't Sweat the Small Stuff

Often we allow ourselves to get all worked up about things that, upon closer examination, aren't really that big a deal.  We focus on little problems and concerns and blow them way out of proportion.  A Stranger, for example, might cut in front of us in traffic.  Rather than let it go, and go on with our day, we convince ourselves that we are justified in our anger.  We play out an imaginary confrontation in our mind.  many of us might even tell someone else about the incident later on rather than simply let it go.
Why not instead simply allow the driver to have his accident somewhere else?  Try to have compassion for the person and remember how painful it is to be in such an enormous hurry.  This way, we can maintain our own sense of well-being and avoid taking other people's problems personally.
There are many similar, "small stuff" examples that occur every day in our lives.  Whether we had to wait in line, listen to unfair criticism, or do the lion's share of the work, it pays enormous dividends if we learn not to worry about little things.  So many people spend so much of their life energy "sweating the small stuff" that they completely lose touch with the magic and beauty of life.  When you commit to working toward this goal you will find that you will have far more energy to be kinder and gentler.

{Constant doubt}

Randy and I were on our way home from a fabulous date night in Wendover.

I was asking him how it was possible for me, to miss my boys when I hadn't even been away from them 24 hours.  That led into me wondering if I/we are too hard on our kids.  I take my parental role seriously, and try not to let bad behavior get beyond my control.  I started thinking that  I am too strict, and probably NOT the funnest mom that ever lived! It made me feel sad for the boys.

That is when Randy said something that squashed my 'Hitler discipline' worry.

"You know, you have to keep a handle on these kids and let them know who the authority is.  Because if you don't, before you know it, you've got that effin nanny show in your house, telling you what a weenie, dumb ass you are as a parent, and your kids are little shits!"  
And he was SERIOUS!!!

I decided right then....I would rather be a meanie mom than a weenie mom.

Sometimes my husband throws a brilliant piece of information at me like this, and I feel lucky to have such a fart smeller......smart feller! 

{Oh thank you baby Jesus!
I love these shirts!}

And below is my very favorite......

This one had me laughing out loud in Rue 21.

I HAVE to get me one of these for the holiday season!

Don'tcha just love it!

That's some good stuff right there!

Hey, if you can't laugh with Jesus.....who can you laugh with??????

That is my Sunday School lesson for you today :)

{Hershey squirts}

This is a picture of a very, very naughty dog.

She is cowering because she knows that she did a bad thing.

When I confronted her on eating the LAST 2 Hershey chocolate brownies....

~The brownies that were on the table....

~The brownies that were on a paper plate with saran wrap.....

~The brownies that were made for me by my good friend Paula....

She did the, "I can't hear you, I can't see you" head turn.

And then, acted as if I was the one being a bitch for even bringing it up!!!

Well, Karma came around......Miss Kitty paid for her brief moment of getting one over on me.

She spent most of her night in the back yard in a hunched over pooping stance.

:)

Justice was served.

{I need answers!!!}

Can SOMEBODY......ANYBODY tell me,  what the big effin deal is with IN-N-OUT burger????
The news said that people camped out over night and lined up on the freeway, waiting for the opening of the new restaurant in Draper.
All for a hamburger??????
Seriously!!!!  A HAMBURGER!?!
I've eaten at this joint in CA, and I don't see what the big hubub is about.
In fact, I didn't like my meal at all.
We have one opening right near my home in the shopping center I frequent.
I'm irritated that I probably won't be able to do my much needed errands, with this big ol' piece of yuk near by.  People will be swarming and causing traffic back ups, which will inconvenience me for sure!!!
Cuz ya know, it's all about me and my shoppin'!!!!!

So, again.......what is the big deal?????

{Mark it on your calendars}

I got my morning chuckle with this email announcement.
Sylvia and Montel in Utah???
I think she is a quack-a-doodle-dumb.
 With her pulling vague information out of empty space (let's call that her brain),
relaying it in her raspy smokers voice (cough, cough),
and all the while, sucking on the tips of her glamazon finger nails......(mmmm, yesterday's pot roast!)

Montel's understanding and deep listening expressions, along with his over the top-"OMG!!" reactions, could make for a funky night of  WTF entertainment!!!!
Too bad Chelise isn't here....I would buy us a ticket.....
I think she is a Sylvia believer.... But you didn't hear that from me.

{Oh Boy! this could get sticky}

Below is a short, yet ulcer causing conversation I had with Jax while driving home.

It's a word exchange that has me confused.

The boy is 9.

Should I laugh it off as a cute "girl crazy" growing up moment?

Or should I be extremely freaked out, and seek professional help for the young casanova?

Jax will always be my kid that has me on a roller coaster ride.

I'm starting to think professional help will be needed.......for ME!

Jax:  Me, Adam, and my dream girl Lauren, are the most popular kids in the whole school.

Mom:  Why do you think that? 

Jax:  Mom! Adam is like the oldest kid!  Everyone likes him.
And everyone likes me too.  You know, the way I tell my jokes, the way my hair is spikey, the way I make people laugh.  They tell me I smell goooood. Seriously, just look at this face. (he turns to me with a pose that should be on the front of  GQ magazine)

Mom:  What about Lauren? Why is she so popular?

Jax:  Holy cow mom!  Haven't you seen the way that girl walks with those shiny silver boots and her long black hair!  You need to be paying more attention mom! She always looks sooooo pretty (he says with dreamy eyes)
You know, I used to like Teona.
She is still my friend though.

Mom:  Why wouldn't you like Teona anymore? 

Jax:  Uck! It's her hairy arms.  Just freaks me out.

Mom:  She can't help that. What's wrong with hairy arms?

Jax:  EVERYTHING mom!!!!  Ewe!

Mom:  Well, I don't like how girl crazy you are.  You need to be more focused on your school work and not girls.

Jax:  Oh mom, you worry too much...(with a side grin).  Trust me, i've learned how to juggle both.

Ummmm hummmm......scary, isn't it?!?

(I will go into Jax's HIGH testosterone levels on another post.  We really are seeking professional help.  My 9 year old has the body of a 13 year old.....in EVERY way!  I truly am dealing with a teenager!)

{I'm gonna break my arm patting myself on the back!}

On my way down the stairs, I asked Jax what he wanted for breakfast before school.
He said, "momma, will you make me bacon and eggs?".
So I'm like, "sure."

After placing it on his mat, I thought to myself,
 "did I just make him that? on a Tues morning? complete with chocolate milk?"

It was one of those lame ass moments, of something so small on the spectrum,
that made me acknowlege myself as 'one hell of a good mom!'

Mothers:  It's ok to be proud of the parent we are.
No need to be humble all the time.

{Leaving the nest}

My good friend Amie is preparing to send her oldest baby into the world.
Heartachingly preparing.

When did time go in warp speed

 from this face.......

To this face?

This is a very positive step for Jordan, and one that I am proud of her for jumping into.

She will be in London (poor thing!) for 6 weeks of training for a cruise line.

From there, she will sign a 9 month contract, and work straight thru, on a ship in the beauty salon.

This is an amazing opportunity for a young gypsy like Jordan.

I can't wait to hear her stories.

Good luck Jordan!

Have fun!

The goodness of all of this, doesn't take away the worry, and longing Amie will feel until she sees Jordan again.

This has to be one of the hardest things mothers will have to do...

allow our babes to start their life adventures.....

without us.

You all are in my thoughts

xoxo

{Vacacheeeaawwwn Part #DOS}

I am finally covering the neglected middle child of the vacation.

LOTS of pics.

Hopefully not LOTS of yawns.

San Diego

Riding on the rickshaw from parking lot to the ship.

The faster the poor skinny kid would peddle, the louder his one speaker would play out of date music.

We totally could have carried our own luggage the short distance, but Randy always has a soft heart to put people work so that he can pay them :)

My step-brother Justin (Danna's son) came on the cruise with us.

River dominated the chess game.

Notice all of the grown men standing around watching him play against their friend.

He played 23 games total......won 19!

We would pass dudes in the hall and they would say, "Hey River, what's up?" and then turn to their friends and tell them that he was the kid that kicked his butt in chess!

Riv believes he is their peer.

Old soul..young man.

Speaking of.......{click here for NY, NY video}

Riv sang at karaoke one night.

He was nervous and couldn't move.

It was cute....momma was proud.

On ship activities:

Scamming parent out of big $$ for a build-a-bear knock off!

Teaching our children the art of gambling.

Ping pong and golf with new friends :)

Jax also attended the Kids Kamp daily.

He danced, made crafts, and played games.

Catalina was awesome!!!

~The weather

(perfectly high 70's)

~The golf carts

(fun to race with Jay D. and pretend we were the Flintstones)

~The scenery

(greenery, awesome architecture, history)

~The jewelery

(Paula and I found unique bracelets that would have looked rockin' on our wrists)

~The company

(Paula, Jay D. and Elliott....lots of laughs)

My favorite pic.

Brings me so much joy.

We scoped a business man in the hall.....

to help us hillbillies tie Randy's tie!!!

They boys LOVE to be dressed up.

They wanted to wear these get-ups the rest of the trip.

Luckily, they both slopped molten chocolate cake on their shirts, and I demanded they be put in the dirty clothes bag!

Paula and all 'da boyz' in her hot-to-trot dress!!!

If you ask the boys what their favorite part of the cruise was, they will answer with,

"DINNER!" (I'm not sure if that is pathetic or cute)

They felt so grown up ordering appetizers, main courses, and desserts.

They were adventurous and tried many things......

duck, lobster, and calamari.

We were placed with family that had their personality sucked out of them once they left their little house in Wyoming.

They were BOOORRRING, and let their 2 year old wipe her food all over Randy.  WTF!!??!?!?

I felt like I was in a twighlight zone when I was around them.

WHY????  WHY did WE get placed with THEM???

Whatever.....

Due to my frugal ways, these are the only pics I have of us dressed up.  I am too cheap to pay $22 for a low quality picture of Randy with his eyes closed.

Paula and I were able to take 1 1/2 hours of PURE girl talk.

We just love to gab and laugh!

The "I'm too sexy for this robe" dude, joined us in the conversation.....only after he had a photo shoot.

Karaoke night.

We didn't sing....there was PLENTY of entertainment to watch.

Just imagine....

One really small man named Tyne, Tyne...

and

One really LARGE man named......Bubba Gump

~a two man jive team~

LAUGH TIL YOU CRY KIND OF ENTERTAINMENT!

Trust me!  They had NO professional training!

Jax was so excited to see what kind of creepy towel animal the stewards would leave along side the waxy chocolate mints.
They really should spend a buck and at least leave a good tasting choc mint!!!

Paula, Justin and I, donated and walked for the Susan B. Komen foundation.

Paula and I walked in honor of our mother-in-laws.

Justin walked because.....well, he's just a good guy!

We walked around Ensenada for about 1 1/2 hrs.

Randy was extremely uncomfortable having the kids there with so many people begging and pawing at us.

I enjoyed the shopping, although all the stores smell the same and sell the same items.

It was good to get back on the ship....

Ensenada may be known for the worlds largest "Blow Hole" (natural fountain), but

I think it could be known as the worlds largest "Shit Hole".

It was still fun to experience the culture.

The greatest purchase was Riv's wood and marble chess set.

We bartered the gal down to $40.  She wrapped it so carefully and put a handle on it for easy carry.

We also got some small  coin purses for the boys' teachers and a pair of "mexi-hippie" leather flip flops for myself.  LOVE them!!!

This is what I will remember most from Ensenada.....

The Viagra Man.

These pharmacies were on EVERY corner.

Apparently, so I've heard, it's big business!

For the last night of our cruise, Randy and I grabbed a bucket of bud light and relaxed on loungers, enjoyed the weather, and loved on each other.

All the while, recognizing our fortunate life

full of family, friends, and VACATIONS!!!!

Damn!!!  Life is sweet!